Feelings and more

Feeling enraged and sad about recent events
Feeling lonely and wants to make connections, but can’t due to limitations
Feeling left out, because nobody wants to take me somewhere
Feeling angry because of injustices towards autistic people
Feeling pressured to conform to societal standards
Feeling pressured to become more spiritual and more faithful
Feeling like a failure, because my life is boring
Feeling not enough
Still having feelings for someone far away from me and probably doesn’t know that I exist
Coming to terms with my own sexuality
Feeling jealous of online friends, they do have their lives and I don’t
Feeling like I don’t belong anywhere
Feeling the need to free myself from the pressure to conform
My needs never come first, other people’s needs always do
My happiness is nowhere to be found
Freeing myself from religion, but it tries so damn hard to pull me back in (hence the pressure)
I just want to be me. I just want to be free. Free from pressures. I just want to be happy. Don’t tell me where to find my happiness. Don’t tell me I’m lost and confused. Don’t tell me that I have to be spiritual/pray/have faith. LET ME BE. Let me find my own way. Don’t control me, just let me be.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

As we are nearing the end of 2017, I’d like to share a couple of things with you.

It’s Christmas time again. It’s a time of togetherness and love and for some, a time of sadness. If you are religious, it is a time to celebrate the birth of Jesus.

But for autistic people, it can be a time where they may be confused, due to a change in routine. Christmas can also be a lonely time for autistic people. And it can be a time where meltdowns may be increased, due to change in routine, noises, flickering Christmas lights, smells, etc.

Here are a few tips for autistic people and parents:

  • If you are celebrating Christmas with your family, remember to take some time for yourself in case it gets too much.
  • Make sure that you have your communication device (cell phone and/or iPad) and remember to bring your comfort item and/or stim toys.
  • Check out the menu to see if there is something that you eat. Or if you’re at a relative’s house and that relative knows you eating habits, rest assured that you will find something to eat.
  • Please respect the autistic person’s way of communicating. And if the autistic person in your life doesn’t want to be touched, DON’T!!
  • Don’t force the autistic person to hug somebody that he or she doesn’t want to hug.
  • Don’t force the autistic person to sit in between members of the family without their comfort item or stim toy or their headphones.
  • Plan a way to get away from it all when it gets too much.

I hope these tips help you.


2017 was a very challenging year for me. It was a year of change. In my personal life and at work. I changed to another department at work. And now it’s going much better.
I connected with more autistic people on social media. And it feels so good to connect with them and share our experiences.
I started with a Facebook page dedicated to this blog.

I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!! May 2018 be a better year!!!

Happy Holidays

It’s the time of the year again, where families come together and celebrate. But it can be challenging for an autistic person. Sensory issues (noise, flickering lights on a Christmas tree or outside the house, food, presents), social situations (seeing family members after a long time, family members talking to each other, giving presents), lack of routine and the list goes on and on.

My advice is to accommodate the autistic person as much as possible, especially when it comes to the sensory issues and social situations. Allow the autistic person to retreat to a safe place so he or she can regulate. If they stim, don’t tell them to stop, it’s a way to express their feelings and to self-regulate. Make sure to tell the host ahead of time that the autistic person doesn’t eat everything. Have their favorite foods on hand.

The Holidays can also be a sad time for an autistic person. Loneliness, depression, lack of understanding from their peers and/or family, an increase of meltdowns. I’ve been feeling lonely these days, but I won’t go into further details. If the autistic person in your family feels lonely, offer some support. Don’t dismiss their feelings. Don’t say things like “stop feeling sorry for yourself” or “stop thinking about yourself”.

Days leading up to New Year is pretty tough for me, because you have fireworks going off and the noise just drives me crazy!! I have to walk around with my earplugs on every day!

And despite what I’m going through, I have a great news!! My article about autism was published in the special edition of the newspaper Extra yesterday. The article is in my native language, Papiamentu.

And I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.