Feelings and more

Feeling enraged and sad about recent events
Feeling lonely and wants to make connections, but can’t due to limitations
Feeling left out, because nobody wants to take me somewhere
Feeling angry because of injustices towards autistic people
Feeling pressured to conform to societal standards
Feeling pressured to become more spiritual and more faithful
Feeling like a failure, because my life is boring
Feeling not enough
Still having feelings for someone far away from me and probably doesn’t know that I exist
Coming to terms with my own sexuality
Feeling jealous of online friends, they do have their lives and I don’t
Feeling like I don’t belong anywhere
Feeling the need to free myself from the pressure to conform
My needs never come first, other people’s needs always do
My happiness is nowhere to be found
Freeing myself from religion, but it tries so damn hard to pull me back in (hence the pressure)
I just want to be me. I just want to be free. Free from pressures. I just want to be happy. Don’t tell me where to find my happiness. Don’t tell me I’m lost and confused. Don’t tell me that I have to be spiritual/pray/have faith. LET ME BE. Let me find my own way. Don’t control me, just let me be.


There is that sound, thump.
Again and again, thump.
Seeing powder blue coming towards me and there’s that thump.
Trembling and screaming and that thump sounds again in my head.
Seeing my life flash before my eyes, thanking God that I’m alive.
But the sound of the thump still remain and seeing that street haunts me for ages.
Trying so hard to process and trying so hard to remove that thump sound out of my head.
Close my eyes and the thump sound comes alive.
Go away, thump sound. Don’t bother me anymore!